How can I handle my distrust and jealousy for my partner?

I think it goes without saying that if this is your first partner, then it’s normal to be a little worried that they might leave you. It’s your first, and you want it to go well. Here’s the thing though: being a little worried(internally not externally) is sweet, but being overly paranoid is a major turn-off. Partners don’t want to feel like they constantly have to reassure their partner that they won’t leave them.

If you feel like you can talk to your partner about your feelings and they’ll take what you say seriously, then there’s no reason not to just tell them, ‘sometimes I get jealous and then I feel like I don’t trust you’. Try to make it clear that you’re telling them this because you’re admitting it’s your problem, because anyone is more likely to be compassionate and try to help you if they don’t feel blamed. Also, don’t give them the impression that you’re asking them to change themselves unless what they’re doing is really bad(say vigorously flirting with other people of your gender).

If they actually seem to be treating somebody else more affectionately than they do you, then I would talk to them about it. I would probably just be blunt with ‘Hey, so what’s going on with you and XXXX?’. If they say that they’re just friends and give a pretty specific explanation to why they’re being very friendly to that person, then I would trust them. If they just say ‘We’re just friends’ and tries to change the subject, it’s really your decision on what to do, but at that point I’m playing the Don’t Say I Didn’t Warn You card, because if they cheat on you it wouldn’t surprise me.

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Similar with trust issues with previous partners. It’s more normal to be paranoid, but it’s still undeserved to your partner if they didn’t do anything.

When it comes down to it, you either tell him how you feel, or you get over it. You have to do one. But it’s your job to fairly decide how much of it is them and how much of it is you, and address the issue in a mature manner.

If you think that all humans are greedy and evil, then it may make more sense why your jealous of your partner. It may not necessarily be something they did, but more a result of your outlook on life.

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If they’re not really favoring anyone else more than you, than I would accept that it’s healthy for your partner to have a life outside of you and try to get over it as best you can. I know jealousy isn’t logical, but if you keep being jealous for no reason then it’s going to wreck your guys’ relationship.

Evaluate yourself. Have you had trust issues with previous partners? Is this your first partner? What’s your perspective on human kindness? Would you distrust anyone who did what your partner was doing?

There’s not just one surefire way to approach this issue, but I’ll name a few ways off the top of my head.

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If you and your partner aren’t really the type of people who talk about your emotional issues(which is fine not everybody wants to), then I would take a minute to evaluate how they currently treat you now. A lot of times, jealousy is relative, and if you were a neutral observer of all of your partner’s interactions, you would realize you probably don’t have anything to be jealous of. I realized that once when I was sitting next to my crush, but they were talking to someone two seats down on the opposite side from me, and at first I was jealous of that person two seats down, but then I realized that I wouldn’t want to be two seats down from my crush because I would end up talking to them even less.